If you work for a company, chances are you received an employee manual outlining company policies and other important information. Frequently you also receive a written job description. You may have even had to sign a paper acknowledging that you read and understood the company policies. Typically businesses make it very clear what is expected of employees in terms of their daily requirements, how they are expected to utilize company resources, and how employees should conduct themselves.Since having children I’ve always been teaching my children what is acceptable behavior and what is not…by telling them. My family did the same thing. So did my husband’s family. I always have expected my kids to remember all the time. My parents expected me to remember. Most of the time I did (whether or not I followed the rule, but that’s another discussion), and sometimes I really didn’t.
Once when I was dating my husband, my parents imposed the rule that I was to be home by 9:00 PM. One night I arrived home at 8:45, and my husband and I sat out on the porch to talk. At 9:15 both of my parents came outside…my mother took me by the arm and dragged me inside, while my father lectured my then boyfriend about how he was not to disrespect my parents’ rules and that he was not allowed to take me out again until he agreed to follow their rules. My mother informed me that, because I had disobeyed them, I was grounded for a month. I pointed out that, not only was I home by nine o’clock, but I was home fifteen minutes early. Apparently, what they meant by “home by nine” was I was in the house and my boyfriend gone. So, yes, I had broken the rule…but I had no idea that this was the rule.
Fast-forward about sixteen years, and here I am having a similar rule-definition discussion with my own daughter, who truly was not disobeying but trying to make the right choice. I expected her to remember what I am thinking, my intent, and my interpretation. Is that reasonable?
So I wrote up a short “family manual.” I have written down the rules of the family, the household jobs for which each child is responsible, which jobs earn an allowance, and a general schedule of when homeschooling is conducted. We have a copy on the refrigerator, and I gave everyone their personal copy. No one can say they don’t know a rule…including me. Nor can any changes be arbitrarily made…the children can feel secure that I will stick to the rules and not make anything up (as my parents’ did…oh, sorry, I’m doing it again…).
