If you suddenly fell into an alternate universe and found yourself to be a single woman, do you think your husband would ask you--the you you are right now--out on a date?Your husband chose you to be his wife X number of years ago; obviously he liked who you were then or you wouldn't be married to him now. However, no one remains exactly the same all through their lives. We change, we grow, we learn, we suffer, we age...I could go on to provide examples (such as becoming a mother, etc.), but I think they are fairly on the whole self-evident.
When I was dating my husband I was not a sleep-deprived busy homeschooling mother of three with a part-time job and a household to run. When he picked me up for a date after work I wasn't greeting him dressed in my household grundgies shouting a hello over the roar of children and passing him a bag of trash to take out to the bin. I didn't have a list of complaints or a list of things that needed to be finished or a list of places we had to go. When he arrived on my doorstep I was all his and happy to see him.
While many single women have high-pressure, unpredictable careers, all mothers certainly have a job which is incredibly demanding, depleting, and can take every last bit of energy from you. Certainly, we mothers can't just go "off duty" as we can with other jobs; there is no one to fill in for us when something needs to be done, and, when a crisis arises, you can't just delegate the problem to someone else. You are MOM. It's YOUR responsibility 24/7.
Most husbands understand that our professional lives are different when we are mothers. They should--they signed up not only for the responsibility of being a father, but for the fact that their wives would have a new career focus and responsibility.
But, after all the very reasonable and expected changes that occur in your life as a mother...would he still ask YOU the PERSON out on a date?
Don't confuse this with "Does your husband still love you?" This is NOT a question about whether or not your husband still loves you! This is not about if he is still devoted to you, or would he cheat on you, or is he still attracted to you.
Rather, it's just another way to look at who you are and think about your life...YOUR life, independent of your role as a mother.
As overwhelming as motherhood is, it is easy to let it take over your independent self, forgetting that you are still a woman, a person, a human being. It is easy that, in loving our children, we give all of our self away so that there is nothing left of us. Then we wonder why no one respects what we do...when we have not respected ourselves enough by treating ourselves as someone worth giving to once in a while.
Is there a person inside you to be dated?
I have to admit, I get irritated when I read those women's magazine stories about how to rekindle the passion in a marriage. I haven't found one yet that didn't have suggestions on more things for women to give away, such as (you, mother)find a babysitter and go out, (you, mother) get up early with your hubbie before the kids pounce, (you, mother) write a list of all the things you appreciate about your husband, etc.
These are all nice suggestions, but they miss the point: if there is no YOU for your husband to enjoy, does he want to go out with you/get up with you/BE with you?
Who are you? Do you know? Does your husband know?
