Some people might say I've been a terrible mother this week. Others might say I'm great.I homeschool my two oldest children; my youngest is in public-school kindergarten. I design the curriculum for my two studying at home to meet their needs, abilities, and interests rather than buying a prepackaged curriculum. One of the (many) reasons I homeschool is I've never believed there is one "right" way to educate everyone, or one "right" curriculum for everyone, or that everyone needs to progress at exactly the same pace. I have high academic standards, but believe that there is more than one way to teach and to learn.
So far this week I haven't taught a single thing. No math. No grammar. No writing assignment. No science. In fact, I've barely seen my older two children at all since Saturday afternoon.
It is just a coincidence that, exactly at the same time, both children became hooked on a book series--different books, different authors, different subjects, but both are obsessed...with reading.
So I'm letting them read.
My five-year-old keeps bringing home letters from school about how important it is for the parents to read with their children every night and to instill a love of reading in their children, and that, statistically, by the time children reach the age of fourteen they will only read one book for personal enjoyment every two years. These letters and notices and flyers and brochures all tell me that this is a shame and the more children read the more they learn. Well, since Saturday my oldest has read three books, all over four hundred pages each; my other daughter has read two books at over two hundred pages each. I guess I can cross "instill a love of reading" off my parental to-do list!
But they made no progress in math, science, history, or writing so far this week. None. Zero. Zip.
I suppose I could tell them to put the book down, that it's not going anyplace and will be there after they do their math. But are they really going to concentrate on learning the math principle, or are they going to rush through it so they can get back to their books?
I could tell them they have to do one lesson in each subject each day and, the faster they do it, the faster they can get back to their books. Is that how I want to encourage learning?
We--society--say we don't just want kids to learn, but to have an inherent love of learning. How do you teach or encourage that?
I'm not trying to make an argument for or against homeschooling or for or against traditional schools. I'm talking about education as a whole--and what constitutes learning...and being a good, responsible parent.
The past few days I've been thinking that being a good, responsible, educating parent is just to let them be for now, to have this time with their books, to enjoy and love reading for its own sake...and do a few extra math assignments this weekend when their father, our resident Math Guru, is home...although that self-doubting voice, the voice that worries that, because I am doing something different and not mainstream in my choices for my oldest two children, still whisper to me. They still need to learn math. Reading does not replace science. They just can't do whatever they want, even if it is just read a book...there are other things, other responsibilities that do not go away....
But mothers need to trust themselves. Only mothers can decide and know what is best for their children--not your neighbors, not extended family, not society, and not the government. YOU know...and you shouldn't let the questions of others sway you from doing what you know in your heart and mind is right.
Sometimes, what is best is to just leave them to do what they need to do. This doesn't mean neglect them, or not impose any rules or standards...but just let go a little and let them do their own thing, to discover themselves, to enjoy what they like, to learn what kind of people they are, to grow in their own way at their own pace.
And, other times, you need to step in and take control because you have more knowledge and experience and know that what your child wants may not be what he or she needs or is even the right thing for them.
The challenge is knowing which one to do, and when.
I am very lucky this morning as I had this reaffirmed to me by my oldest. (Honestly, if I hadn't, I'd probably still be doubting.)
After getting mt youngest on the bus, my oldest begged for a quick run to the bookstore to buy the last book in the series. My first thought was "Great! She doesn't have a book she wants to read! We can spend the day on math, science, history, and writing!" But, then, here is my kid begging me for a book--not an iPod, not a video game, not a trip to the mall... I cave. On the way over she tells me she wants to get two books...the book she wants and Julius Caesar. She said she was thinking that she just read about Caesar in her history book and thought now would be a good time to read the play; she looked at my Shakespeare compilation last night and decided the text was too small for her and she wants a copy she can read and make her own notes in.
Wow. I'm floored. My daughter wants to study Shakespeare? On her own volition?
I think I'll just go with my mom gut and just let the girls be for now. The math, science, history, and writing aren't going anywhere. They won't keep forever...but they'll keep. So will I.
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